Q&A – Depression and study difficulties

Q&A – Depression and study difficulties

Q’s of a young Russian lady who struggles with depression and with her studies.
A’s from an email that I sent to her.

Hi Elena,
So then, lets see:

‘or its better to say i see only the pressure and it gets to me.’
– Why do you choose to see ‘only’ the pressure?
Heroism? Drama? Punishment? All come from the ego. Choose care, understanding and respect of yourself. Those choices come from love, from the origin of the real you.
‘It makes me feel again that I’m not good as I’m not able to cope with my thesis.’
– It is once again your own choice to feel that way. Those things themselves won’t make you ‘not good’ of course, either way. How many times did you feel like that already? And in the end you always managed.
What is the connection between being good and succeeding in your studies anyway? You know very well that school marks and results have nothing to do with what kind of person you are.

‘And at some times I just dont want to do anything and start to procrastinate, then, at last minute do all in a hurry which, as a result, sucks of course.’
-The overwhelming majority of the students all over the world do like this :-)), especially when what they ‘have to’ learn and need to pass has no real interest to them and the material is presented in a boring, nonsense way. This is not the students mistake, but our generally wrong educational system’s mistakes worldwide.
Make a conscious decision: do I want to do it, or not? If yes, then relax with it, and surrender that you will do it anyway an do not care about the end result at all.
Do your best, that’s the only thing what is important and that is much enough. You can’t do more like that.
So it’s meaningless to stress about it. What happen even if you fail? Will your world or the outside world collapse? Not to much will happen, certainly won’t happen a tragedy. It’s not a life and death question at all and you know that. So why do you choose these judgmental and critical thoughts? You not really need to analyze the answer, instead of that choose loving and caring attention to fulfill your real needs.

‘ I can not enjoy myself.’
– When you recognize this next time, just tell yourself that: I don’t want to enjoy anything, especially myself. I choose to be miserable, I choose to be stressed out. And just do it, accept it, go for it. (It’s not a joke.)
‘ I dont know what I want,’
– Then you know what you don’t want. So write down everything what you don’t want and do the opposite.
‘Feel totaly possessed by school and exhausted. And now I need to fully concentrate on my thesis and I dont want to write it.’
– Here again, just ask a simple question -without any drama- and make a decision, do you want to write it or not. If not, then you can relax, nothing to stress about it any more. If yes, then don’t allow to your ego to play a drama about it to yourself unnecessarily, that is a torture, but accept your decision, respect it, surrender and just relax with it.
‘I’m again more interested in movies than in my own life! That’s the only entertainment I get.’
– You are right, movies can be an entertainment – sometimes. But what kind of feelings and emotions do you suppress in the meantime and choke them with the movies? Next time when you ‘need to see’ a movie, just accept and allow yourself to feel and experience your feelings fully. Take a bath with those feelings or take a walk with them. Don’t change them, judge them or analyze them in any form, just be with them. Respect them, accept them, that’s all. They are your body’s feelings.
Sound scary? Just do it anyway. They are messengers, loving caring messengers from your body. Your body have total and ultimate wisdom. Never want to harm you, just to guide you. But you have to have the courage to allow your bodily feelings to talk to you and have to have the wisdom to act on their (their, and not your ego created thoughts) messages. Your ego want constant noise, dramas, to prove the importance of her existence.
In peace and in tranquility the ego become unimportant, meaningless and she/he doesn’t want to accept this. The ego continuously fight with all his/her tricks for survival.

‘I can not relax at all.’
– Once again as you recognise it, say to yourself: I do not want to relax. I choose to be tense, irritated, unhappy and stressed, and go for it! (Not a joke once again.)

‘ I myself get aggressive in turn – although as usual I never show it, and its getting piled.’
– So then, choose to show it and tell about them as well what you are feeling, relies it with full force, accept it, accept it that this is who I’m now. Allow yourself to feel fully -without any judgment- all your feelings; and after most possible you can have a good laugh.

‘The exercises I’ve been doing, turned into real routine and mostly I’m thinking about the stuff I need to do..’
-You have to be creative and choose new ‘joy’ things all the time; but if you just think about them instead of experiencing them, then you don’t do anything at all. You have to experience them that’s all. Nothing less and nothing more. Your experience will tell you what is good for you and what is not. Your thoughts easily will mislead you. Or just simply accept and say: I don’t want to experience any joy!

‘I’m not satisfied with myself,’
-What kind of measurements do you use when you are not satisfied with yourself? It’s yours?
The only measurement, judgement you have to use about yourself is love and care. Love never judge, care is always become stronger in need. “Our pain is the breaking of the shell of our understanding.” say Gibran. And another one from somebody: “Disillusionment with ourselves must precede enlightenment.”

‘…although I’m trying not to get depressed ‘
-Once more, as you recognise you are feeling depressed, say to yourself: I choose to be depressed, I want to feel depressed; and try harder to feel depressed! Focus with full attention to be depressed.

‘I dont know how to change this situation! but its definitely not going to work like that for the next month of my thesis writing and i need to change my attitude somehow…’
– ‘Somehow’ you can not do anything, just with real actions. You make a decision first
and you following through it ( remember, if you say: I can not make a decision, then that is your decision, that you don’t want to make any decision)
You don’t need this drama beforehand, ever. What for? To satisfy your ego? Ignore it with acceptance and understanding, with care and love for yourself.
So choose what you want to do first. If you have an answer -and of course the answer is there; always-, then accept what you want, and just do it. Not for the result, but because this is your choice and you are decided to respecting your choice. After that, everything else will take care of itself.
If you choose to go to the dentist, you know beforehand that you won’t enjoy it, but you go anyway if it’s really necessary. So what’s for all the fuss; but you can never know, maybe the dentist turn out to be a very good-looking and a very kind guy and the unpleasant process disappear in the process :-).
There is no reward for suffering !, but in the meantime there are plenty of reward from light and love.
So you always have a choice Elena and that is a very good news for all of us. We have free will!

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